I wish I didn’t feel.
I wish I could shrug shit off like Kanye West.
I wish I didn’t lose my train of thought in a stranger’s smile.
Delight in every freckle on someone’s face.
Be intrigued with everyone’s story
Inspired by everything.
I wish I didn’t get distracted by every leaf blowing in the wind,
Every sound that vibrates passed my ears.
I wish my mind was quiet and I could detach
from my own heart… and just rest.
I wish I didn’t love.
I wish I couldn’t love.
I wish I stayed cool as winterfresh gum
Never needing validation or reassurance
Never cracked under the pressure of a lover’s gaze
I wish I would stop changing so I could catch up
pour out some of the emotion of this overflowing cup…
Sometimes I wish I was less than this…
that I was just a breeze dancing over the waves in the middle of the ocean.
Or a laugh escaping into the day that is soon over and forgotten.
Yeah, I wish I could just rest.
Am I doing it wrong because…
I believe in honesty and transparency.
I believe in being myself in my many forms.
I believe in love and expressing it.
I believe in acceptance of myself and others.
I believe in simple things.
I believe in a night on the couch doing nothing.
I believe in just listening.
I believe in giving myself.
Maybe that does make me naive considering the way the world is today and how horribly selfish and inconsiderate people can be. Yet, after all I have been through, I celebrate that I am not jaded and I have not allowed anyone to break my spirit or turn my heart to stone.
I’ve always thought differently than most people around me. I’m okay with that, it doesn’t scare me to be different.
I am a human first. A woman second. Black third. I am so much more than these words. When I look into the mirror, I do not see a beautiful black woman with natural hair and a cute smile… I see my soul. I see what’s behind my eyes and what’s coming from inside of me. My energy, I guess we could call it. Then, I see the physical. I don’t know when it happened but I’ve become aware of it.
I’ve become aware of how grounded I feel and accepting of every part of me. I’m not placing anyone else’s definitions or generalizations of who I am upon myself. If I end up with no one by my side, that is fine… because if the people in my life can’t love and accept me the way I love and accept myself then is it really worth it? No.