Journal Entry: Post Breakup Realizations – Someone Else Will Scratch My Back

My back itched today and I couldn’t quite satisfy it, so that made me think of how I would ask Ken to scratch my back. Just those little moments makes it hard and especially the still living together part… that’s the hardest. I could be over it in a heartbeat if we weren’t still in each other’s faces laughing and “being cool” with each other, most of the time. Other times, I see exactly how much we miscommunicate. Which is no one’s fault really, we’re just on two different wavelengths. But other than that things have been cordial and we remain friends even after the storm.

Speaking of which, a very smart and observant person put something on my mind. How is it so easy for us to be friends with each other? Why is there no resentment or the need for a “clean break”? I didn’t even think about it in that way to be honest and having spent six years completely meshing my life with someone, splitting responsibilities and everything, I don’t feel as though I should be the one put out of my home and crashing on someone’s couch until I’m able to be fully independant again. We’ve always been good friends (we’ve broken up before) and I do love and respect him… I guess if we’re both okay with it while I’m in transition, it’s not wrong or whatever.

I do find it interesting that there wasn’t some huge blow out, which I think is what most people that know us would think or other people would assume. It was mutual and halfway mature. When I was asked to move out, it was after a really tough month of us both probably thinking it was over and that the love was vanishing, neither of us said anything. I think, at least for me, I didn’t want to deal with the fact that I’ve wasted a lot of time, given up ALL of me to this person. For what? Nothing……. No ring. No babies. No dog. Nothing. Who wants to admit that? I didn’t.

I think our relationship has been rooted in convenience for the last couple years… and that’s not fair to either of us. I’m not the right woman for him and he is not the right man for me, staying has only done damage. It does not mean I’m any less of a woman or any less loyal and a good partner in life… I was just with the wrong person. Although starting over is such a pain… I’m so happy it’s happening. I have to go through the process, no matter how tough it is, to get the result that God has for me.

I need this shirt in my life lol.


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