Dear Movie Buddy,
You’ve known me for the last four years (I think) of my life and I’ve always viewed you as a good friend even though I may not have shown it. You picked me up after the most humiliating, regretful night of my life and didn’t make me feel bad for it. You literally saved me and I’ve never felt judged by you. As I think about it, I don’t think I’ve ever expressed my gratitude for you always being there when I needed someone to talk to. Even though romantic feelings on one or both of our parts have come and gone, you still remained my friend. I love and appreciate you so much.
Over the years, I’ve become more aware of myself, how I handle things and what type of friend I am capable of being. I’ve lost a few friendships because sometimes I am unable to communicate how I feel effectively, if even at all. The fact that I can’t keep friends is making me think something is wrong with me. Im not blind to the fact that I am the common denominator in these failed/stressed friendships.
I have to say this: I am sorry for not nurturing our friendship more and I miss you. You are someone I have a connection with, you’re easy to be with and I am comfortable with you. That is very hard for me to find. So, when I asked you to hang out with me, I meant no disrespect to your relationship. I know it may seem selfish and rude, but I am not comfortable around people I don’t know. I am sorry. If I hung out with you and your girlfriend, I wouldn’t feel like I could be myself and the whole time I would be putting on “my face” or I wouldn’t be very social at all, then it would be awkward.
If this means I cannot hang out with you at all, that would hurt my feelings, but I would accept it. Even though others perceive me as rude because I don’t want to put myself in some social situations, I am very respectful of your decisions. Please, put your Queen first, she is obviously not comfortable with you hanging out without her and all I can do is understand and accept that.
I just needed to get these feelings out in the open but wanted a safe space to do it and here… I can control who comments. I don’t even know if you’ll realize this is for you but it’s been good putting this out in the open.