I Can’t Sleep Again… Here Are My Thoughts.

I just feel like crying… but I won’t because I don’t want to wake up my boyfriend. He will ask me what’s wrong for the one hundredth time in the last two days. Then talk to me in that voice… the one that makes me feel helpless.

I am still in pain, although it is not as bad as it was on Sunday. I still can feel something is wrong. It’s completely unnerving that I don’t have the money to see my gynecologist right now. All I want to do is cry.

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I also would like to kick all the nurses and the emergency room doctor at the West Houston Medical Center… that is the worse staff on the face of the planet. There will be a more detailed post on those uneducated imbeciles later. Whenever I am able to sit, stand, or lay comfortably, I will find the words for their stupidity.

I’m not depressed, I am just sad… I want to share the moment I had while sitting outside before dinner.

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“As I sit here watching the impending thunderstorm roll in… I am reduced to tears. I am having a dark moment.

I want the storm to lift me up and carry me away from myself. I don’t want this body anymore.

I am toxic. I am unclean. I am scared. I am broken.”

Hopefully, you can appreciate the screenshot of the video I took of the lightening storm, even though the “copied to clipboard” message is there.

I don’t know what’s wrong with my reproductive organs… I just pray it can be fixed. I pray the pain does not worsen until I can get help and I pray I can get help soon.

I think I will wake the boyfriend up now, I need a hug.

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