It’s been a year and a half since I’ve written on this blog, I honestly forgot I had it until I had to log on to WordPress for my job a couple months ago. Now I’m back because I’ve had yet another epiphany.
I’ve been saying for years that I want to be a writer. Okay, not necessarily BE a writer but I would like to do it on the side. Self-publish. I said this out loud to my boyfriend a couple days ago, if he would be okay with me working part-time only, going to school and writing. He gave me his support because he’s the best at doing that without hesitation. That night as I was sleeping and dreaming, wonderful stories and people or characters I should say started to fill my mind. One of them looked a lot like Rihanna, I have no clue why my brain did that. I woke up at 4:45 am and just started typing away on my phone because stupidly, I don’t follow my own advice and keep a notebook by my bed. After about fifteen minutes my brain calmed down and I was able to go to sleep. It was like validation from myself to pursue what I want to do.
Then, I log onto my blog and read the five posts I created in early January of 2013. The very first one is talking about how I would like to write a book one day. Even more validation from myself that this is what I want to do. By the way, my first 5 posts are riddled with attention seeking, desperate, “I don’t know what the hell I’m doing or what I want” bullshit so excuse my 23 year old self. I’m leaving those there because I would still like to reflect on it and I’m not ashamed. That is who I WAS and I am working on who I want to BE.
I do have one more series of thoughts to add. I’ve had someone in some way try to make my dreams invalid. I used to want to be a chef, I truly believe I would have been a great one. I’ve been talking about writing for YEARS, but never thought that I could do it. I was always taught, “You need to do whatever makes you money.” Basically, get your head out of the clouds, you can’t own a house, two cars and vacation twice a year with the salary of a chef or a writer. BUT let me tell you something, dear reader, whatever it is you want to do: write a book, teach dance, be a comedian. Please give yourself the permission to make yourself happy and make your own dreams come true. You are all you need, you and that passion for your craft, you and that fire in your belly when you get inspiration. Your dreams, your goals are valid and they matter. Do something everyday towards it and I promise you won’t regret it.
P.S. The reason behind the title of my blog “P-Jay: The HSP in Me”: all my life I’ve, like most people, wondered why I am the way I am. The people closest to me would always say I’m really sensitive. I researched a few months ago and came across the term “Highly Sensitive Person”. It doesn’t just mean I cry at everything and take everything personally, even though I do. I’m sensitive to all types of things and an array of emotions. When I’m angry, I feel it ten times as much, when I’m happy, it brings me to tears… even when I’m happy about simply driving by myself. When things are super loud, it hurts my ears and startles me. When I’m outside, the sun hurts my eyes. I feel everything on the Earth… to the extreme. I’m unashamed and if you need me to explain it to you further… I will gladly do so orrrr you can Google it. 🙂